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Managing divorce the collaborative way

The way many couples get divorced is changing as Helen Saggers, a family law specialist with Barr Ellison Solicitors explains.

Collaborative law is a relatively new way of dealing with divorce that aims to remove the adversarial element. Rather than simply exchanging solicitors’ letters couples have to meet face to face along with their solicitors who have to be collaboratively trained to thrash out issues, such as finances and children.

A key element to the collaborative process working effectively is to ensure from the offset that both parties fully understand how the process works and that they are willing to participate fully. Helen says that for collaboration to work it isn’t enough simply to get people to sit around the table and to have effective communication, it is a question of showing the parties there can be different solutions and outcomes to a problem. It is often a question of changing what may be quite an entrenched mindset.

In the collaborative process the parties are encouraged to engage in the process of problem solving, which can be challenging. Clients will still bring to the table their perceptions of what is fair and their grievances. The difference with the collaborative process is that we try to start on a level playing field so that no one should feel that the other has the upper hand or is the more dominant. It is essential to recognise that simply because clients have chosen the collaborative route it does not mean that they will not be feeling angry and bitter about the breakdown of the marriage. The key to a successful collaborative process is to know how to manage these feelings and to manage conflict. Conflict is everywhere in our day to day lives. As a solicitor it is important to understand how your client historically has dealt with conflict in particular within the marriage. For some this may mean always conceding to the other spouse or they may be confrontational and aggressive. Whatever mechanism they use to deal with conflict has to be recognised within the meeting and the parties have to be encouraged to re-focus on the issues in hand and in finding solutions.

In the collaborative process it is often difficult to find that fine line where clients can express their feelings however negative they may be and actually moving the clients along the spectrum to a more positive place.

The collaborative process is not for everyone. For many the level of conflict flowing from the breakdown of their marriage is too high for them even to contemplate sitting in the same room as their other half never mind trying to work together towards resolution. Even in those cases of high hostility constant efforts should be made by lawyers to try and diffuse the tension and not to add to it. Clients who are suffering from high levels of conflict need a great deal of time and help if they are to get through the divorce process.

With Government plans to steer separating couples towards other forms of dispute resolution and away from court based litigation it is likely that more and more couples will look to this method to resolve their decisions. At the end of the day an agreement worked out by both parties with the help of their legal advisors is more likely to work in the long term.

Helen Saggers can be contacted on 01223 417200.

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